For the past few days I've been dealing with a client who is struggling with moving her life to the next level. She wants to buy a condo, she's qualified to buy one, but fear is holding her back. With all due respect, the world has thrown her more than one curve ball and she decided to take a long time-out. But now she can't get off the bench. It feels good to be safely shielded from the hot spots of life and the glaring demands it makes. She's sitting and watching, and too fearful of a long list of "what ifs" to venture back into the game.
She's a woman alone and filled with desire to own a home, but held back by fear. Life is coming at her way too fast for comfort. Divorce, children leaving the nest, new job and new residence all occurred during the past two years. Now she needs to move from her temporary rental and purchase a condo. She's fighting this on every level, because she is not ready to accept the singularity of her new life.
It is difficult to move to the next level if you are lugging all the baggage from your past. Lighten the load and the ascent will be easier. The children no longer need their own rooms when they come home from college. The over-sized dining room set from the house in the suburbs needs to stay in the burbs. In order to move on some things must be left behind.
The loan is approved, the condo is identified, but she can't bring herself to sign the contract. So tomorrow we will look at more condos and postpone the decision once again. She wants to make sure the one she has chosen is the right one. But do we ever know for sure it, whatever your it may be, is the right one? I don't think so. You narrow it down, roll the dice and go for it.
Years ago I had a similar conversation with a street smart friend, except that time I was the one hovering in an indecisive state. I was weighing the pros and cons of a major life change. Each side of the balance sheet was weighted with credible justification to choose that particular path. My friend listened and watched as I circled around the decision for days. Finally, one evening when the topic came up for the umpteenth time he cut me off with a comment I shall remember as long as I live. With a chuckle, to soften the finality of his words I suspect, he said, "Sometimes you just have to drop your pants and slide on the ice."
Norma Toering & Team RE/MAX Palos Verdes Realty
(310) 493-8333 / Office Phone: (310) 831-0800
South Bay Los Angeles cities I sell real estate and homes in: Palos Verdes Estates, Rolling Hills, Rolling Hills Estates, Rancho Palos Verdes, San Pedro, Long Beach, Torrance, Lomita, Redondo Beach, Hermosa Beach and Manhattan Beach.
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FEAR is crippling! YOU CAN NOT BE AFRAID! Take your best shot and hope (& pray) for the best! Keep up with her and you will succeed...and she will be so thankful she did!
Be of service! The rewards will come!
Carol, yes, given her personal situation along with the uncertainty of the real estate market, it's difficult for her (and other buyers) to make the decision to buy right now.
NORMA - I think that there are a lot of buyers out there right now waiting for perfection (perfect house, perfect price, perfect timing). It doesn't exist, so at some point that have to take a leap of faith that they are making the right decision.
Adam - Exactly. The buyer I chose as an examples represents many others who are waiting for "the one."
Norma
My heart goes out to her. I work with many singles and she is not alone. I would help her to understand she is not alone, maybe you can help her connect with another single who has bought and understands the joy buying after overcoming the fear. Feel free to pull some info off our group, The Single Home Buyer and Seller, please also post this one there, I think the group would offer you some insight.
Blessings,
Ahhh...Change. The constant of our lives.
She is motivated to move because she has the resources, but not inspired. When she can see herself waking up in her new bedroom, placing her books on shelves or cooking in the kitchen that is when she will be ready.
Norma: Perhaps you can help her visualize this new and exciting experience instead of fearing it. If she can embrace the Change...I know you can fill in the rest. She is very lucky to have you.
Let's us know her decision.
Norma, it is through this personal side of real estate that I get the greatest satisfaction. Your client is lucky to have an empathetic Realtor on her side rather than an transactionally based pushy salesperson.
Colleen
Meetoo, do you have an agent to help you though the process? That's very important and it will relieve much of the stress and confusion you are feeling. Let me know if I can help in any way. You will be fine!
Norma ~ You are the encouraging voice for this friend. Having been in a similar place yourself (with life changes, fear, and all) you have more credibility than most others would have. Thank you for your helping to be her voice of reason!
Sometimes it has nothing to do with your marital status --- just personality types. Some personality types have a harder time taking a risk and making a decision. It is just more pronounced when a major change happens in life.